I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
