meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
