In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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