On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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