at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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