Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
