wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
