No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
