I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
found the other keg... it's in the tree
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
