I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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