My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
