I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
