My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
