ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
