I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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