i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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