We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All I want is dick and wine.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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