3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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