i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
