I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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