then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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