I seem to have left my pride at pride
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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