guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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