She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
