Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
