i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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