well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
