You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
