I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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