Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They took my balls.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
