the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
