I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
