i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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