Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
