I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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