after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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