We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
