I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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