You smell like a Billy Joel song
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
