mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
