i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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