he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
