i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
