Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
