thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
