I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
