Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
