He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
