i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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