WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
