I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When are your genitals available?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
