I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
